THE UNWANTED COMMENTS
These are the comments I hear numerous times a day “Gosh, don’t you have your hands full” and “You have enough”. This is all in relation to my three small children.
Sometimes these fly away comments are in good spirit but, mostly, they are not. I am not sure why people feel the need to comment on the amount of children I have, or their ages, or anything to do with your children. In fact it’s almost like the moment you find out you are pregnant you are fair game to the general public. Well, I have news for those who feel the need to say general negative comments… we are not! The remarks I receive daily are usually down to the amount of small children I have, actually three is not a big number. It’s just very slightly over the national average of 2.5 children, whatever that means; its not even a real number of human-beings! Weird in my opinion, I am sure I will have someone correct me on this, hey ho!
I suppose it’s down to the fact I have a 13.5 month and 20 month age gap. It's not un-heard of, people have less of an age gap, it’s not really that unusual at all. Literally, every time I leave the house, without fail, someone comments on my children. Yes, I usually look a little flustered or am trying to do several things at once all while breastfeeding. It's called multi- tasking, it happens. It’s life. I am definitely not writing this to be a martyr, it’s more of the fact that I need to normalise the situation. This is for parents who feel a little crap from the comments they receive from strangers, other judgmental mums and people in general with unwanted opinions.
I have variations of replies to the comments I receive; this is all based on my mood and what exactly is said at the time. My new reaction is to kill the situation with kindness, therefore my response is usually “Yes we are SO blessed” sometimes sarcastic, but mostly it’s the truth. I am very blessed to have been gifted with three healthy and wonderfully spirited children. So this leads me onto thinking should society shame us into feeling anxious in public if they play up, have tantrum or are loud? After all they are children, they are learning and pushing boundaries (or their parents patience!). But it’s all normal stuff. I know I should ignore the comments, mostly I do, but it’s hard. Your BS filter can only take so much sometimes!
Initially, what shocked me when I became a new mum is that most of the shamers and comments are from older women who are probably parents too. Has this older generation forgotten what it's like to be a new parent? I am puzzled by the rationale behind what they say? Sometimes it completely baffles me. No one knows what struggles people have but surely being kind to others, especially strangers, must give you back good karma. I am a big believer in this. It’s much more empowering to say something nice to someone, rather than knocking him or her down.
So in answer to the comment “Gosh, don’t you have your hands full’ the answer is… Yes, I have my hands full, but would I change things? No. Would I like a break once in a while? Hell yes! Would I like to go to the toilet once in a while on my own or wash and dry my hair in peace? Yes. But would I change my life to be without them? Absolutely not!
So, that person who feels the need to comment in a negative way, please just think before you speak to any parent, especially a new one. We are all just doing our best, that’s all anyone can ask of us… If you have nothing nice to say, just don’t say anything at all! Kindness costs nothing and a word of support to a struggling parent goes a long way.
With love
Dominique x